Mental preparedness

It's finally here, the day I've been waiting for. My last day at work.

I have already submitted my unemployment claim online and I've gathered the files for the projects I was working on in a box so I can can dump it on my replacement. As soon as I clean out my personal files from my computer I'm done. The only real reason to stick around for a few hours is to score a farewell lunch from my manager. There's not much reason to stick around after that. Hell, it's the Friday of 4th of July weekend. No one will be around.

Someone asked me why I was leaving on my trip right away and not chilling out for a few days. I think the answer came to me this morning. I don't want to think about being out of job. I don't want to think about filing for unemployment and collecting checks. I don't want to think about what I'm going to do with myself again for the weeks that I will be hanging out around the house because I'm trying to be responsible with my money.

Instead I focus all my energy on this trip - reading travel sites and books, devouring state maps, gathering my music and techno gadgets - so I don't have to think about anything else. I will enjoy the moment because that's all I can really do. And I can't hesitate from making the first step because if I do, then I will think too much about it and I definitely don't want to do that.

Part of the excitement of this road trip is that it carries it's own bag of fears. While a woman traveling alone isn't as scandalous as years before, it's not without it's worries. My ultimate goal is to arrive from my destinations with my body parts attached and un-violated. But beyond that, inconveniences really do make for great stories, and you know that's why you're really reading this. It's the 'what will she do now' syndrome. I may not be able to share in your stories of wedding preparations, pregnancy woes and baby's first steps, but I can wow you with my tales of car troubles in Orlando, busted ankles, singing karoke in Spain and crapping in the sink.

What I have to be especially conscience about is being able to blend in. I generally like to be a people-watcher. I can spend hours sitting in a sidewalk cafe watching the world go by. If I can listen in to their conversations it becomes an added bonus. But because I'm doing this alone I don't want to be spotted across a busy street with maps in my hand and video camera strapped around my neck and be labeled TOURIST. So, there might not be as much video on this trip but I will be snapping away with the camera. I also want to be able to explore everything about where I am, but I know that I will only experience as much as my courage allows.

I don't know why I feel more concerned about this trip more than my Key West road trip. Maybe because I've done the Jersey to Key West run before and I feel like the entire east cost is an extension of my backyard. Could also be that I had family waiting for me in Florida. But I do know that the experience itself was the most exhilarating thing I had done. Moreso than my European tour where I was also solo, but with a group of 40 others.

This will be a test of my independence, my explorer spirit. My justification for me being who I am while the rest of my friends and ex's are all settled down, married and procreating.

Tomorrow the adventure begins in Philadelphia where me, and a million of my closest friends will merge upon Ben Franklin Parkway were we will sweat, get stepped on, barely see the stage or hear music and find the least smelly place to pee. How can I miss this opportunity? Turn on MTV and look for me.